Being a mom

There are days that I look at my kids and I am amazed. 

I am amazed at how much I love them. 

I am amazed at how much I love being their mom. 

Being a mother to these children is the most wonderful and beautiful calling. 

I look at them and I feel so blessed.

There are hard days when I feel I am doing nothing right. 

There are days when I need a break. 

But every night I say a pray to my father in Heaven, a pray of gratitude and that I can be a better mother to them. 

I struggle with distraction.  

It is something that I have to work on everyday. 

Everyday I have to recommit myself to my Savior, my children and my husband. 

I have to constantly check myself and make sure that I am not allowing those distractions to come back into my life, because they tear up everything. 

I am grateful that I know my weaknesses and that my Savior can help me overcome them. 

Being a good Mother I my children is the most important thing I can do in this life. Nothing else matters. 

joy.....

i am struggling with something right now.
i think it helps me to write it down so here it is....

right now in my life i am in waiting.
always waiting.
waiting for school to finish
waiting for bar to be over.
waiting to make money
waiting to get a house.
always waiting.

in the world we live in (at least for me) having nice things is important.
what you have reflects who you are....
know i this is not true
but knowing something and remembering it are two different things.

i know not having the nicest, cutest clothes is not important. But trying to tell myself that when I am still wearing clothes from high school.... i tend to forget. I would love to have my whole wardrobe as stylish cute clothes that reflect my personality but i don't. And that is okay. People love me anyways.

i know that my kids don't need the cutest clothes. They don't care that they aren't wearing baby gap. They are happy with hand-me downs and thrift store finds. I shouldn't care either, they are cute no matter what they wear.

i know that having a house is not the most important this. but oh how i want one. After eight years of leaving in crappy, tiny apartments i am so ready to finally live in a house. I want to live in a beautifully decorated house that reflects my personality and what i love.... but i don't.

We can not take our clothes to heaven, we can't take our nice stuff and beautiful decorated homes.
We can take our memories and love.
So even though i don't have the stuff i want, i need to remember i do have the stuff i need.
I need to remember to that enjoying that moment i am in is more important then having stuff.
and finding joy in my life is when i find happiness.

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These three kids and my family are what is most important. They bring more happiness then cute clothes or a nice home.

(although some days cute clothes makes you darn happy!)

here are my loves this week.....


1. Sunrises
    i am not a morning person so it surprising that i get up to go running 3 times a week with my    running buddy. I dread getting up but i am always grateful that i did because i got to see the sunrise.

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2. My Camera.
    Now this picture is not of my camera but i thought it was really cute and I would love a camera like this. I love that i can take pictures are remember the memories!

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3. This Newborn.
    my sister had her baby last Wednesday. Finn Porter and he is adorable. seriously the sweetest little baby. I got to take some pictures of him today.

4. this little girls crazy hair!!
    I love emma's hair! it is wide and crazy and beautiful. it fits her personality perfectly!

5. my running shoes
    I love my shoes. they fit perfectly, they look cute and they make me run fast.... okay the last one is not true but i can hope!

Jacob turned 6!

I have a six year old.
i am still trying to figure out how that happened.
i can not imagine my life without my sweet, amazing little boy.

Jacob,

Oh how i love you. You are seriously the sweetest, kindest, most amazing little boy ever. You love to tell me you love me and you say that i am the best mom ever. I love that. You give me hugs and love to laugh. You are the best big brother ever. You watch out for you sister and you try to teach Sam all the things he tries to learn. You are so smart. You love school and spending time with you is a blessing. You are learning to read and you can starting to tie your own shoes. 

You have amazing faith. When you have a bad dream you get on your knees and pray to your father in heaven because you know that He will help you.

I am trying to be more like you!

I love you jacob and You make me a better person!

Love your mommy!

Emma's 4th Birthday!

My little Princess turned 4 last monday. It really feels like a just was holding her and nursing her constantly. I miss those days some times.When I would sit and hold her as she nursed. Those quiet moments. I am trying to find those now.

She woke up so excited and we sang to her about 10 times that day. She loved hearing "Happy Birthday EMMA!"

They had a great time. :) 

My Sweet Emma,
                  What can i say about you beautiful girl? You are so amazing. I look at you and I can not believe that I have you as a daughters. I am so blessed. You are so sweet and you love to take care of everyone. You are a little mommy. You hug and dress and take care of your baby doll. You love to help me do the chores and you are great at laundry. You are happy with what ever situation you are in and i want to be more like you. You are always giving me hugs and kisses. At bed time I always have to give you " a kiss and a hug and a tickle."
I love you my beautiful girl and i am so proud of you. You make me so happy to be a mom and I try everyday to be a better mom for you!

Love your mommy.