joy.....

i am struggling with something right now.
i think it helps me to write it down so here it is....

right now in my life i am in waiting.
always waiting.
waiting for school to finish
waiting for bar to be over.
waiting to make money
waiting to get a house.
always waiting.

in the world we live in (at least for me) having nice things is important.
what you have reflects who you are....
know i this is not true
but knowing something and remembering it are two different things.

i know not having the nicest, cutest clothes is not important. But trying to tell myself that when I am still wearing clothes from high school.... i tend to forget. I would love to have my whole wardrobe as stylish cute clothes that reflect my personality but i don't. And that is okay. People love me anyways.

i know that my kids don't need the cutest clothes. They don't care that they aren't wearing baby gap. They are happy with hand-me downs and thrift store finds. I shouldn't care either, they are cute no matter what they wear.

i know that having a house is not the most important this. but oh how i want one. After eight years of leaving in crappy, tiny apartments i am so ready to finally live in a house. I want to live in a beautifully decorated house that reflects my personality and what i love.... but i don't.

We can not take our clothes to heaven, we can't take our nice stuff and beautiful decorated homes.
We can take our memories and love.
So even though i don't have the stuff i want, i need to remember i do have the stuff i need.
I need to remember to that enjoying that moment i am in is more important then having stuff.
and finding joy in my life is when i find happiness.

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These three kids and my family are what is most important. They bring more happiness then cute clothes or a nice home.

(although some days cute clothes makes you darn happy!)