am i the only one?

i can't be the only one who feels this way.
i just can't be.
because that would mean i am the only one who doesn't quite measure up to what she thinks she should be.

i can't be the only one who doesn't like being a mom sometimes. ( i was going to use the word hate but that might be a bit strong of a word.... maybe....)

that sometimes waking up to "mom. MOMMY! Get up!" Just doesn't fill my heart with love and kindness toward my children.

that just the thought of cleaning my house and mopping my floor makes me want to run and hid under my bed..... seriously the kids might not be able to find me.

that just looking at all the clothes i have to wash and fold and put away over and over and over and over just makes me what to throw it all away and only give them one outfit.... would that be gross?

that sometimes all i want to do is lay in bed, read my book and eat chocolate without hearing screaming, crying, whining and fighting. ALL DAY!!! Now that sounds like heaven.

that bedtime doesn't come soon enough.... seriously how many hours until they go to bed??!!!

i can't be the only one.

when i just had Jacob i thought being a mother was amazing. I loved every minute of it.
I feel envy for those new mothers who are experiencing motherhood for the first time. It is wonderful. that feeling care for you baby. that was me.

2 more children later and i have a hard time getting them to let go of me so i can go to the bathroom. And that feeling of joy in motherhood is hard to find somedays.

Am i the only one?

i rarely hear a thank you and no one ever really thinks about me.

but i do the best i can.

I do the "job" of being a mother so i can have the relationship with my children that i dream of having.
Some day i know all that i am doing now, all that i am sacrificing right now will be so worth it and my children will hug me and tell me thank you.......

Someday.

until then i will keep doing my best.